A Very Important Communication Key

One time Karen and I were having a fight. I remember how frustrated I was. I kept trying to tell her how I felt and convince her that she was wrong. I wasn't making any progress which only made me more frustrated.

At one point in the conversation, I remember Karen saying to me, "Jimmy, I wish I had an audio recording of how you talk to me. You wouldn't believe how harsh you are when you speak to me." I immediately reacted to what she said. "I'm not harsh with you!" I insisted. (With my voice raised.) She just looked at me. It wasn't a productive conversation.

Several days later I was praying about what Karen had said and our relationship in general. At the time we weren't on the brink of divorce, but we had some things between us we couldn't resolve. The main thing that bothered Karen was how I talked to her. The main complaint I had was that she didn't listen.

As I prayed one morning, the Lord put an impression in my mind that dramatically changed me and our marriage. I was reading in Ephesians chapter five where it says that Jesus "...washes His Bride in the washing of water with the Word..."

Immediately, in my mind, I saw myself standing before Jesus filthy in my sins. The next thing I saw was Jesus taking his hands and filling them with water and very gently pouring it over my head.

In a moment, I knew that Jesus was committed to a lifelong process of cleansing and changing me.

In a moment, I knew that Jesus was committed to a lifelong process of cleansing and changing me. He wasn't at all harsh with the application of His Word. Just the opposite, He was so gentle and loving. This is true to what I have experienced in thirty-three years of following Him. Without a doubt, He is the most patient person I know.

After seeing how Jesus lovingly washed me in His Word, the next thing the Lord showed me troubled me greatly. I saw Karen standing in front of me in a beautiful wedding gown. The gown had some stains on it and I was washing her down with a fire hose.

The severity of the fire hose was causing Karen pain and tearing her beautiful gown apart.

At once I knew that the Lord was showing me the difference between His nature and mine when it came to communication and trying to change others. I repented to God in that moment and changed my ways immediately related to Karen.

The next time I had something to say to Karen of a confrontive nature, I decided to say it once in a loving manner and leave the results to God. I remember it very well. Karen was standing in the kitchen and she had done something that upset me. I was standing by the refrigerator and without raising my voice, I told her what I thought about what had happened. I walked over and gave her a hug and walked out of the room.

It was a day or two later that Karen told me that she noticed the difference in me and really liked it. I liked it too. For many years I had tried to enforce everything I said and to produce immediate results. Unfortunately, I didn't enforce it and I only produced bad results in our marriage.

As soon as I changed, everything changed. Karen began to blossom like a rose. Our relationship became so much better. Now, I can say how I feel and leave the outcome to God. I have found that He is much better at changing people and producing results than me. Not only that, I also realize that some of the things I say aren't right and don't need to be enforced. God is faithful in those times to lovingly change me.

Tell your spouse the truth, but do it in love and don't try to be the enforcer. If what you say is true, the Lord will be your partner to affect the results you desire. If what you are saying isn't right, you need to be open to the fact that you may be the one who needs to change.

The truth is powerful. It doesn't need our help. Just lovingly apply it and it will do wonders!

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