Are You Married to a BlackBerry?

I was at a hotel recently and was standing at the reception desk checking in. During the time I was checking in, the young lady who was helping me regularly answered the telephone and broke away from helping me to solve someone else's problems.

I have to admit, that is one of my pet peeves.

My theory is that the person who is standing before you in the flesh should take priority over someone who is calling on the phone. But in most cases—in hotels and other businesses—it is the opposite. The person who might do business with you is given priority over the person actually doing business with you. They should rethink that.

Whether it is a cell phone call, text message, email, Facebook page hit or something else—we are being bombarded by outsiders trying to get into our lives.

Likewise, I know of many people who are completely frustrated by the constant intrusion of other people into their spouse's lives through technology. It has become a major issue in our world today. Whether it is a cell phone call, text message, email, Facebook page hit or something else—we are being bombarded by outsiders trying to get into our lives. Just like in the hotel example, in many cases, the one we are with is put on hold for the one calling in.

The result in many marriages is frustration and feelings of rejection. I know of one couple who has had major issues with this. The husband is constantly attending to his Blackberry and there is virtually no time, no place and no person that is protected from the intrusion of his electronic pals. His wife is open in her expressions of jealousy and pain— He is too connected to his Blackberry to connect to her feelings.

To address the growing problem of technological intrusion, we need to first of all go back to the issue of good manners. When you are having a conversation with a person and someone else has a habit of butting in or intruding, you have to train them to respect protocol and good manners.

It's like when you are trying to have a conversation as a couple and your children constantly interrupt. You must train your children to respect your relationship and to politely wait their turn. Without this, children can be as damaging to a marriage as uncontrolled electronic intrusion. It is simply bad manners to allow someone to intrude upon our conversations and important time together.

Another crucial issue in resolving electronic intrusion is that of making technology our servant and not our master. Do you realize that Jesus didn't have a cell phone? Nope. But He changed the world. No laptop computer. No email or text messaging. We need to remind ourselves that we can survive without being constantly connected to everyone else at all times. In fact, we must have times when we disconnect and keep others away from us. Call it a "technology time out" or "electronic Sabbath". Just do it.

I am very connected electronically and use a cell phone and email regularly throughout the day, but not at night and not when I'm having important times with Karen. When we are together, we will many times not answer phone calls out of respect for each other. We realize the fact that we must manage the blessing of technology or it can become a curse.

Let your spouse know they are a priority and won't be at the mercy of the next cell phone call, text message or email.

We do this in two ways: 1.) Using good manners and honoring the priority of our relationship. We train those outside of our relationship to respect our marriage and wait their turn. 2.) We use technology as a servant and won't let it become our master. We don't have to answer our phones and we don't have to answer every email that comes in right away.

Let your spouse know they are a priority and won't be at the mercy of the next cell phone call, text message or email. The same is true for television or any other form of media. The person we are with—especially our spouse—must be prioritized and honored if we are going to have successful and meaningful relationships.