For the first fifteen years of our marriage, money was the most difficult subject for us to discuss. To make matters worse, we had to discuss it almost every day. That is the problem with money in marriage. When you are having problems in that area, it is a continual issue that grates on your nerves and challenges the goodwill of the relationship.

The good news with us is that we completely resolved our issues and differences concerning money. Today, money is a blessing and we can talk about it without any problem. Let me tell you two things we did that helped us in this area:

1. We submitted our finances to the Lord. Before making decisions, we pray. We don't try to dominate each other or "win" arguments over money. We both realize that if we pray and find God's will, He will bless us and we won't fight.

Another feature of submitting our finances is giving. We give ten percent of everything we make to our local church. In addition to that we give to our church building fund and other ministries including MarriageToday.

Our commitment to pray and give has transformed our relationship and our finances. God has shown us His will hundreds of times for purchases, provision and decisions. The fruit of our financial partnership with each other and God has been incredible. Also, the results of giving have been awesome. It has changed our lives.

2. We began to honor each others different money language — In the bad days of our marriage I would call Karen a tight-wad when we fought about money and she would call me a spend-thrift. We see money so differently and it caused us to argue and accuse each other. Money eventually became a radio-active issue in our marriage that we couldn't discuss without hurting each other.

Then one day I read an article by a financial psychologist named Kenneth Doyle. He was talking about the four different money languages people have. All of us see money in different ways. It Is not't bad or good, it's just real. Also, if we are different than our spouse, it can actually help us make better money decisions because we both bring a different perspective to the table. The issue is respect for each other and realizing that our differences are genuine and genetic.

The four money languages are:

• Driver - Money means success. A driver says I love you by buying and showing you through material objectsyou are important to them. Obviously, taken too far this can become materialistic and non-relational.
• Analytic - Money means security. It solves problems and wards off chaos. Analytics say I love you through saving and planning for the future. Taken too far they can become misery, no fun and controlling. They can also communicate more value for money than people.
• Amiable - Money means love. Having money means the ability to share with those you care about. An amiable says I love you by sharing and giving. Without balance and wisdom, an amiable can be impulsive and unprepared for the future.
• Expressive - Money means acceptance. It means being able to be socialize with desirable people and be accepted into the right groups. Expressive's say I love you by buying, showing and sharing. Taken too far, expressive's use money the way some people use alcohol — to deal with pain and anxiety in a wrong manner.

When I tell about these four languages in marriage seminars almost everyone present can identify theirs and their spouses money languages immediately. Approximately eight percent of all couples have different money languages. Knowing your money languages can help you to understand and respect each other. You begin to realize the strengths and weaknesses you both have.

Submit your finances to God and respect each others money language. It will help you turn your financial problems into a dynamic partnership.

Blessings,



Jimmy Evans